The Horrors of Game Making
by Corad and Bijoux
Summary: Jak 2 and 3 spoilers. Jak and friends are currently enduring the filming of the Jak 2 and 3 scenes. If only they would just get their lines right for once...everyone might be able to go home. Finally updated after a year...
1. A day of cats and alcohol

**Bijoux: Okay, for those of you who read and enjoyed Palace stories then you'll probably like this. I own this without Corad and it will have more than one chapter, which follows on with the story, unlike Palace Stories. We will still be continuing with Palace stories even though we both have seperate fics now. **

**This is based as if the cast of Jak2 and Jak3 are filming the games, but at the same time. They all live in trailers in some courtyard near the studio and so on. It will be from different members of the casts point of view. I don't own the"Jak and Daxter" sereies.**

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The Horrors of Game Making…**

**Chapter 1- A Day of Cats and Alcohol…**

"So your telling me…ME?! That we're not aloud to leave this city…?" Jak screamed at an innocent stage hand, spit was catapulted out his mouth and all over the small trailer.

"Look sir, you can leave as soon as we've finished filming the game...okay…?" The stage hand sighed as he turned to leave Jak's trailer. Jak sighed before slumping over to his prized couch, where he collapsed and began to read a women's day magazine.

JAK

Oh…oh I get it…I get this whole thing perfectly fine! I'm not good enough to leave this trash heap of a city…humph…well that's nice! Stupid pigs…

Knocking?! KNOCKING?!!! Knocking on my door…the knocking of the hideous door…the hideous knock…knock of hideous-ness…hideous' knock…

I growl before getting to my feet and heading towards the door. Heh, I bet it's that pansy of an actor Vin…that moron…trust him to be knocking on my door this early in the morning…

I check my watch…it's 3:30 pm…oh well…

I pull open the door and sure enough it's Vin. Vin and that wretched cat…stupid cat…I wish I could grab it and shove it up Vin's scrawny ass…that would be so good…I can hear the roar of the crowd now as everyone sees Vin DIE!

"Oh…oh, ah, ah, hey Jak…I was just you know wondering if you could look after my snookums while I go get some shopping done…?" Vin cowers in my door, like a rodent being chased by my almighty foot…

I groan, "Reergh…can't you go ask Erol…? Or Torn…?" Vin seems to look a little nervous at this. He must know that I despise his cat as much as Praxis despises veges…or as much as Krew despises Jenny Craig…

"Well…I would…but I just don't trust either of them…one time Erol shoved my little lovely in one of Seem's empty beer bottles and rolled it down a hill…and another time, Torn threw her at the ceiling fan because she got the blame for Seem's beer burping…it wasn't a very nice day for her ya know…?" Vin whimpers as he goes back and fourth in front of me…he's tormenting me…he's just asking me to use his carcass as gun practice…he just wants me to pull out my blaster gun…he wants to disappear into the horizon…my darker form after him, going as fast as Praxis travel when it's free-day at McDonalds on free-day…he just wants it…

I groan with annoyance as I roll my eyes and cross my arms.

"Fine Vin…I'll look after your cat for a while…you just go do your groceries and I'll keep her in two pieces, tops. Okay…?" I sigh as he tug the cat's leash out of Vin's shaking hand.

"Okay…um…but could actually try to keep her in one piece…? Please…?" Vin nervously stumbles away. He begins to cower as I glare at him. My glaring must tell him that it's either, the cat coming back in two pieces tops, or I'll chuck a Praxis and sit on it…although this time it would be on purpose…not like the time Praxis sat on Daxter's pet turtle…heh, that was so funny…

I laugh to myself as I head towards Torn's trailer. I knock on the door and wait for the spiteful one to appear.

Soon enough Torn appears. He's glaring at me with those evil little eyes of his…the fiend…

"Whattya want Moron…?" Torn hisses as he crosses his arms.

"Well, I was kinda wondering if you could look after Vin's cat for me…I have to go do a shooting for Jak2…" I sigh as I pull the cat's leash harshly in front of me. The cat stumbles at my feet. Torn rolls his eyes before grabbing the cat's leash.

"Thanks Torn!" I call as I turn away and head towards the studio. I laugh at sound of Torn knocking on Sig's trailer door, probably pulling a me…

"Okay…so which scene are we doing today…?" I call out to the producers and other cast members who are all standing around doing nothing of importance, although the sight of Samos levitating up towards the ceiling fan looks rather welcoming…

"We're redoing the starting shot," a stagehand replies as Daxter strolls past me.

"WHAT?!!" I scream with hatred, "But we already did that shot 4 times!" I scream, now they've made me angry…

"Well, sorry Jak, but Praxis' fly was open the last time we did it…" The stage hand sighs. He thinks I'm being difficult…I'll show him difficult.

"Hey, hey, hey, hey! You can't blame all this on me!" Praxis has started to scream and carry on.

I peer down at Praxis' waist and realize something…

"But you can't even see his fly!!" I scream as I point accusingly at Praxis' amour.

"Hey yeah!" Praxis looks down and realizes that you wouldn't in fact be able to see his fly.

"Yeah well it's a different story when it causes Mr. Praxis' pants to fall down…" Oh great…now that old fart Kor, is having a go at it…I glare at him. Don't make me come over there old fart…

I roll my eyes with hatred. As much as I hate to admit it, Kor is right as the video from last time begins to play on the camera screen, next to me. I sit on a chair in the distance and watch that smaller, pathetic, version of me stroll onto the scene.

The back ground looks like that crap trap Sandover…I roll my eyes before lazing in my chair and glaring into the distance. The scene starts up with that old fart muttering his old fart speech…what a hippy…

"For every age there is a time of trial. The rocks faced such a fire before they were the strength beneath our feet. The plants braved vast winds before their roots could give us life. As a sage of considerable years, I have known only one such great ordeal. Yet the hero it created was a champion of all time…(mutter under breathe) god I need a beer…" Samos did his prologue entry as the opening credits came in. If that old fart says that line one more time in my presence…I'll kill him…

"Today's the big day, Jak. I hope you are prepared…for whatever happens…" Samos sighs as he approaches that scrawny waste of space. I can just see myself throwing that pitiful thing down the toilet then setting Praxis and his chilly wrath on him… it would be so sweet…

I turn my gaze back on the scene. Keira has begun to rant on…I roll my eyes…any minute now someone will stuff this whole thing up and it'll just be repeat of the last 4 times…every five damn minutes…cut…cut…cut…cut…cut…cut…Right up until I can't take it anymore and I disappear down the street in that lawn mower again! I growl towards Praxis who is eating a greasy cheese burger…judging by the amount of fat that's leaking out of it, it must be from McDonalds…

I look back and they're finally up to Daxter now…

"Easy for you to say! We did all the heavy lifting!" Daxter complains as he tilts his head in that scrawny piece of scrawn. Daxter's hand begins to levitate over some round piece of crap that's attached to the front of the Rift Rider thingy…

"Daxter! Don't touch anything! Though the precursors vanished long ago, the artifacts they left behind can still bring great…" Samos has started his ranting but is stopped by Praxis who has rolled the cheeseburger wrapper up into a ball and has chucked it at the old fart.

"CUT!"

Samos gives a blank, sorry for, yet slightly angry expression.

"BOOOO!! (Hisses)!! BOOOOOOOOOOO! YUCK!!! (Makes farting noise at Samos) BOOOO!!" Praxis screams at Samos who immediately heads for the cask of red wine, that is taking its usual place in the nearby bar fridge. Stagehands and security guards are heading for Samos trying to stop him from ruining his sober-ness.

Samos kicks and screams before levitating as fast as he can to the fridge. He thrusts the door open and grabs the wine cask. He then levitates as fast as he can up to the ceiling and sits on a stage light.

This makes me laugh. Samos soon starts to pour the wine into his tubby little guts. He occasionally stops and laughs at the victims below that are trying to get him down. His laugh get's more loud and uneasy as the wine flows through him.

5 minutes later.

The cask had been taken away from the now completely drunk stupid Samos…humph…there goes my fun…I growl and cross my arms as I glare towards the scene.

Samos has begun his speech again.

"For every…(burp)…there is a eye of Kyle…the rocks had to eat Nutrigrain before they were the…the…thing…under the basement…the pants had to brave vast winds (complementary fart occurs from Samos. Samos laughs at this) before they turned into dresses…" Samos stumbles about like the drunk he is.

A producer near me begins to ask another producer what Samos is rabiting about and that they can't find it in the script. It's very amusing…well for me at least…the other actors in the scene are eying Samos as if Christmas had been canceled…it brings a smile to my face…

"As a page for 10 billion beers…I have known only one such great underwear brand…yet the factory they created was burned down…(burps)…" Samos continues to stumble for his words. I laugh out loud at this. There can't be any harm in it…after all Torn and Erol have been at it since the old geezer got the damn camera on him.

"Today's my birthday Big Mac…I hope you are prepared…for whatever may happen…(burps in younger Jak's face)…" Younger Jak wafts air away from his face with his hand.

"CUT!!"

I growl at this…it's gonna be one of those days…

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**Bijoux: Please review, it'll make me happy and hopefully make me want to write more of this...**


	2. They gave up

**Bijoux: Thankyou for any and all reviews, I appreciate it heaps! I don't own the "Jak and Daxter" series. Please enjoy...**

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Chapter 2- They Gave Up…**

**DAXTER **

I lie wide-awake in my bed. Today was another one of those days…one of those days when Jak disappears down the street in that lawn mower…again…

If it hadn't been for that old grandpa green, then it probably wouldn't have resulted in Jak's favorite Barbie doll getting eaten by Praxis…but alas…Samos just had to get a hold of alcohol…

It was all fine when we first started on the scene…then Praxis littered or something and Samos got angry about forces of nature or something…or it could of just been about the fact of a piece of scrunched up trash hitting him right between his eyes…either way, it would seem something that Samos would overreact about…

He just had to get the damn wine though…now we're gonna have to keep doing that damn scene…

Though I guess it was kinda amusing when Samos gave up halfway through his drunken lines and began to burp the alphabet…heh, heh, heh…yeah…

Hopefully tomorrow will work out fine…at the least a bit better than today…

I roll over in my bed and fall asleep slowly…I really wish Praxis wouldn't wake us all up the morning though…I mean geez, who could've though that someone could sing 'ABBA' songs so loudly in the shower…? Yeesh…

(Morning)

Err…what is that sound…(groan) go away sun…go burn in your own pitiful heat case…seriously though…what the hell is that…? It sounds like Seem ran over Veger in that mower again…I swear that mower is more trouble than it's worth…it's the cause of so many rampages around here…err…go away Veger screaming…hey…wait a minute…no…NO!!

"NOOOO!!!" I scream as I dart upright in my bed. It's that sound…the sound we all hate to hear…it's…it's…

"Wanted to! Couldn't escape if I wanted to! Ooohaahooo! Wanted to…!" Grrr…goddamn it! It's that idiot Praxis again…although I think I can hear Damas singing as well…

Eww…please don't tell me that they're in the same shower together…

I groan as I climb out bed, scratching my butt as I crawl towards my trailer door. I open the door and the horrid screaming and carrying on is too much…

"I refuse to do that scene again! YOU HEAR ME?!! WELL?!!" Jak is screaming at what looks like a street lamp…heh…he probably thinks it's a producer…

"Wanted to…!" Praxis and Damas are singing like morons. Damas is dancing with a tree outside, while Praxis' silhouette in the shower can be seem through a curtain of his trailer.

A cat is rolling down a hill in an empty beer bottle. A ceiling fan is sticking into one of the sides of the bottle. Torn and Erol are laughing as they high five each other.

Vin and Seem are screaming at their losses.

I roll my eyes at the mayhem before strolling into the studio and heading for the stage.

"Hey guys!" I call out to a couple of Producers, stagehands and some more of the cast.

"It's about time you showed up rat!" Veger spits at me…literally…

"Hey, got punched up your nose too hard so your face is demented, boy, I've had it up to here with you…" I scream as I grab Krew's freshly made sandwich and peg it up at a ceiling fan. The sandwich rotates a few times before flying everywhere. Krew screams and cries as a few stagehands try to restrain him from licking mayonnaise of the walls of the studio.

Veger glares at me. Him and that nose to high face of his…yeah I'd kill him so bad if the producer's didn't need him…or if he wasn't the only one who Damas was afraid of…

"Okay people," a producer sighs as he turns around to face us, "Today we'll be starting with the first scene of Jak3…" he leaves with his butt sticking out and his nose in the air…okay…I didn't think these guys were up themselves that much…

Sometime later the rest of the needed cast has appeared in the studio ready to read their lines. A few extras have appeared just for the sake of it. Oh no…not Praxis…I look at the fat, approaching blob. I really hope he doesn't meddle this time…

"Action!"

(All the air train crud and co. happens)

"By order of the grand council of Haven city…………god I need rum…" Veger rambles on. I roll my eyes.

"CUT!"

"By order of the grand council if Haven city, for hideous acts and crimes against the people you are hereby banished to the wasteland for life…" Veger strolls off and Ashelin steps forward.

"This is a death sentence, Pizza! Mmm…Pizza…" Ashelin begins to drool with her head cocked back. People not too faraway begin to chuckle as Veger turns around angrily.

"What…?" Ashelin dumfounded cries as she looks at the people laughing at her.

"You…" Veger hisses as he points his staff thingy at Ashelin. Who could've thought she could be so stupid? Well…considering the time of the morning…neh…

"I didn't do it!" Ashelin starts to cry.

"Yes you did! Everyone in this room witnessed it! Didn't you?!!" Veger screams as he turns around, arms outstretched.

Some people moan and grumble while other's signal for him to go home or something. Veger mutters something rather offensive, under his breath.

"CUT!"

"This is a death sentence, Veger! There must be another way…" Ashelin has finally got it right…makes a change for her when it's before 9:30 in the morning…her usual wake up time…

"Your protest was overruled! This dark eco pig is dangerous! Now drop the cargo!" Veger hisses. Even though Veger had just said a line in a different way that it should be, the producers couldn't care less. They just want it to be over and done with I guess…

"This is an outrage!" Pecker appears he's wearing a pink bikini for some strange reason, "I am outraged beyond words! Although I do have something to say. Not everyone agrees with this ridicules, aaaarrrk! Decree…" I drop out of the ceiling and land in front of Pecker…oh that felt so good…it kinda almost feels like it makes up for the time that Pecker got drunk and tried to feed me to a kettle…I shudder at the memory.

"Yeah! We want a recount!" I call out as I cross my arms and look menacingly at Veger, who appears to be drinking vinegar while the camera isn't pointed at him.

"Errarrgh…neerrgh…um…Oh! I see you wish to join him?!" Veger uneasily says as he throws the vinegar away…although him drinking it is already on the tape.

"Actually we are not that outraged…" Pecker says as he begins to back away…I was thinking about doing the same thing when I realized that green thing in Veger's tooth…I had to restrain that urge however…

"Farwell Jak! Stay out of the sun! And drink plenty of beer…if you can find it…" Once again another stuffed up line…the producers again don't seem to bother.

"Jak…?" I whimper whilst putting on my best sorry for eyes. It may look convincing…but deep down inside I couldn't care less about Jak…he could get carted away with Krew to that Jenny Craig institution for all I care…

"Go back to the city Max…Box…err socks…thingy…" Jak pauses for awhile. That jerk can't even remember my name?! Okay! Now I'm angry!!"

"YOU PIIIIIIIIIIG!!!" I scream as I dive for Jak's throat. Praxis and Damas have started to chant 'Jerry' in the background.

Veger is screaming like a little girl as he runs away and cowers behind Samos, who was last seen sucking eggs…

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Bijoux: Please review...I'm sorry if this chapter wasn't as funny as the last one...I tried my best...anyway...if anyone has any preferance of what screen shot they want me to stick in here next then yeah, just put it in a review...If there's more than one differentrequest then I'll do it the order of who reviewed first... 


	3. Hunting Damas' lines

**Bijoux: I'm trying out a new way to make this funny, which doesn't involve the cast always looking like idiots...so yeah...knowing my luck I failed miserably...anyway...neh...Idon't own the "Jak and Daxter"series, if I did Ashelin would be rolling down a hill in a trash can, in one of the scenes. **

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Chapter 3- Hunting Damas' lines**

**TORN**

What the hell are those idiots doin…? Can't these people act one scene without resulting in moronic actions? Hah, at least some of us still have our decency…

"DIIIIE JAAAK!!" the rat is screaming it's pitiful head off as he chases Jak around the studio, with a cardboard cut out of a palm tree.

"Back off Daxter!! I have the deadliest weapon in this studio!" Jak screams as he turns to face Daxter, he's holding something behind his back.

"Oh yeah?!" Daxter spits as he lowers the palm tree and glares up at Jak.

"Yeah!" Jak screams back. Spit is flying everywhere in the studio.

"Do you worst…" Daxter hisses.

"FINE!" Jak screams as he pulls Samos out from behind his back. Samos is kicking and screaming as he gets hurdled out of Jak's hands and goes crashing into Daxter. Daxter screams as he flies across the studio and smashes into a wall.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!!!!!!" Jak cheers as he takes his Vulcan furry gun out of his back and throws it to the ground in a heroic manner. I sigh and roll my eyes, irritably.

The whole studio soon erupts with screams as Jak's gun goes off, shooting everything in its path. The producers really shouldn't have given him a real gun…

All the people with brains charge out the exit of the studio, leaving Samos and Daxter behind.

"You lowlifes!!!!!!" I hear Daxter screaming. I turn my head and catch a glimpse of Samos sitting on Daxter giving him a lecture about the forces of nature and how Jak shouldn't be provoked on bad days.

"Um…what do we do now…?" Erol asks as he approaches me.

"How about we start to dig our graves…?" Seem has now appeared next to Erol.

"Um…I don't think we need to worry about that just yet…" Erol sighs as Kor starts to have some form of heart attack in the background.

Erol was however replied with the sound of a beer bottle opening…how pathetic…

"Um…I really don't think you should drink that when you have to shoot a film soon…" Erol says as he tries to take the bottle away from Seem.

"Look you! I get this enough from the producers so I don't need it from you!" Seem growls as she starts to tug the bottle further towards herself.

"GIVE ME THE DAMN BOTTLE!" Erol screams as he tugs the bottle away from Seem. Seem lets go and starts to sulk at her loss.

"Ooo, I'll make sure that, that goes to a good home…" Kleiver has appeared and is patting his gut as he eyes the beer in Erol's hands.

"Fine…" Erol casually says as he hands the beer to Kleiver. Kleiver strolls away laughing at his wins.

"WHAT?! What so you let him drink but not me?!" Seem screams. I wish her and Erol would start to fight…with guns too…that would be sweet…get rid of both of them without doing anything myself…hahahaha…yeah…

"Look lady, he can't get any worse than he is now!!" Erol screams as he edges near Seem. Seem turns her head to look over at Kleiver, who is apparently flirting with Sig's shoes.

"Look chilly pepper, massive size…I don't know what you think my shoes are, but they sure ain't Britney Spears…" Sig says as he backs away from Kleiver, slightly aiming his gun. Sig comes over to me.

"I hate you sometimes…" Seem declares towards Erol. Erol rolls his eyes as he strolls away, Seem is following him for some strange reason…probably looking for revenge…

"So…Torn…do you…like…stuff…?" Sig asks as he edges closer to me.

Oh god no…he must want to go hunt something…reeaaaargh…

"Look Sig…if this is gonna turn out like yesterday when you asked if you could try and hunt me down while I'm hiding in the city…" I growl as I start to walk towards my trailer.

"Oh come on…it was fun…remember when I tried to shoot you for the first time…?" Sig beams down at me happily.

"Yeah…" I sigh unenthusiastically.

"But then you dodged my assault…?" Sig is smiling happily at me.

"Yeah…" I slightly chuckle at the memory.

"And then I hit that grandma instead…?"

"Yeah…"

"But then it was just Vin wearing a wig…?" Sig and I start to laugh our heads off at the thought of Vin, trying to disguise himself from the date he "agreed" to go on with Onin.

"Oh god that was funny!!" Sig booms as he playfully punches me in the back.

"It sure was man…" I agreed, laughing my head off even more when Vin cowers past with his cat.

"Oh…let's do it again…" Sig cheers as he prepares his gun. I pull out my gun and dagger and insert the daggers handle into the guns neck…the ultimate weapon…

We both go running into the distance laughing like loonies.

(5 killing hours later)

"OH GOD THAT WAS GOOD!!" Sig thunders as he waves his peacemaker about. The end of the peacemaker has about four pairs of underpants dangling off it.

1 of the underpants is labeled Samos, while the other are labeled Vin, Damas and Sig.

"God, I still can't believe I shot myself, on purpose!" Sig laughs so loud that the trailers around us vibrate, or maybe Ashelin has been drinking to much soda again…?

"Hehehehahahahhehehehe, yeah!" I laugh as I high five him, "What should we do now…?" I ask, calming down from the hilarity.

"Well…we could go watch the other guys act out the scenes…" Sig suggests as he points at the studio door. I nod my head and we both advance on the door. I open it and we both go in.

"Just wait a minute here…so you're telling me…I'm supposed to wear that…?" Jak is growling at a producer. I look at what Jak is pointing to. It's some form of rag thing that looks kinda like a skirt.

"Yes Jak…but for the last time, it's not a skirt…it's decoration…" The producer sighs as he waves a clipboard in Jak's face, possibly to show dominance.

"Reeaaaargh…fine then…I'll wear the damn skirt…" Jak moans angrily as he puts the fabric around his waist, "hey…this is pretty cool! I LOVE THIS THING!" Jak screams in joy as he admires the brown fabric around his waist, "And to think, you weren't gonna let me wear it because it looks like a skirt…" Jak slightly chuckles. The producer rolls their eyes, almost in unison that Samos and I do.

"Okay people, action!" the director yells. I turn my head to the scene they're playing. Damas is sitting on his throne thingy located in front of the Arena background.

"Something you're not telling us? Mail man?!" Damas booms from his throne.

"CUT!"

"Damas…for the last time…say the right lines…" A producer sighs in an irritated way as he crosses his arms.

"But my lines sound better…" Damas hisses angrily as he glares at the producer. Heh, this just got interesting…

"Just do it…" The producer growls.

"ACTION!!"

"Something you're not telling us? Animal man?!" Damas rolls his eyes at the lines, which sound pathetic to him.

"He has been touched, by dark eco, my liege…" Pecker says with his appointed actions to follow.

"Our boy here get's all mean and nasty when ya piss him off! So don't piss him off! Word to the wise!" I glare at Daxter. No matter how many scenes he's in I always glare at him, as if he's in the wrong…

"Ah then he has rabies…?" Damas looks dreaming fully at the ceiling. The producers roll their eyes and hope that Damas will read the right lines for the rest of it.

"And that could be dangerous…your bravery has earned you nothing you spectacle pig! Now get out of my house! If you come back for two more Arena fights then I will hunt you down, steal your underpants, and use them for the Spargus flag! But be warned, if you go out in the desert to escape, Kleiver will surely eat you…(Kleiver in background: Hey!) And for your victory, you may kiss the bride!" Damas hisses as he throws Veger towards Jak. I laugh at the sight of Veger wearing a wedding dress over his original clothes.

"CUT!"

"(Sigh) Look Damas, we could've hired so many DECENT people to take your role, but you insisted you stayed! Now do it right or we'll lock you in Krew's trailer for a day!" The director growls, as Jak, Pecker and Daxter all give each other a confused glance towards Damas. It's so funny to watch these people sometimes…

"I'll be good…" Damas squeaks at the mere sight of Krew hovering past licking a slice of pizza, that seems to be filled with every topping imaginable and other foods like ice cream, melted chocolate, a big Mac, a can of Pepsi, a bowl of soup and 3, count em, 3! Tacos!

It's not long before the scene has restarted. Damas is getting desperate to say his own lines but always stops when he sees Krew eating some form of food, which is different whenever Damas glances towards him, every 5 minutes…

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Bijoux:Thanks for all the reviews that I already have for this...it makes me so happy...Please review some more...I'll be you friend... 

Corad: Congratulations, now no one will review...

Bijoux:.......(starts cring in a pathetic manner)...


	4. Like Father Like Son

**Bijoux: Errr...this is one late update...um...I'm sorry...I guess...hopefully I'll actually keep going with this for once...(shifty gaze)...um...yeah...well thanks to all the reviews and stuff which acutally finally made me get off my lazy backside and update this thing...after a year of slackness with it...**

**I don't own anything...**

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Chapter 4- Like Father Like Son…

**KLEIVER**

I growl at the happiness that surrounds the trailer court as I pass through it towards the studio. I was happily having a nice planned out Sunday afternoon, of watching footy, and drinking beer whilst feeding my _pet _with a few over tomato sauce covered mincemeat pies.

BUT NO! I can't have _my_ peace and quiet, because some snappy ankle bitter of a producer has to call me into the studio to do some stupid scene again!

"Hello Kleiver," my thought's are interrupted to the sound of Damas, and his ugly, UGLY presence around my personal space. I put on a fake smile as I turn my head to look at him beside me.

"Hello…Damas…" I manage to say through gritted teeth. Damas has his 'I'm so good' stance on, in my opinion, it makes him look like a little boy scout, but my opinions never matter because no one's smart enough to take them in!

"I hear we will be doing a scene together today…ah, the fun we will have…" Damas says, his tone sounds as if he'd just won the battle of Britain or something…

"Yeah…fun…" I spit as I roll my eyes when Damas isn't looking, we stop at the door and he opens it, stepping aside to let me go through first…just as well…

I walk through the door and grab hold of its edge, pulling it out of Damas' hands and slamming it in his face. I laugh as I hear a thumping noise just outside the door, followed by a pain filled groan. I put a hand on my belly to stop it from bounding it all over the place as I uncontrollably chuckle at Damas and his door splat. He soon emerges from outside and stumbles up next to me.

"I'm sorry about that Kleiver…but we seemed to have gotten separated…" Damas chuckles as he appears next to me, a large purple bump on his big ugly forehead. I growl to myself as I roll my eyes away from Damas' direction, how many times do I have to slam a door in this guy's face, before he gets the bloody idea that I don't wanna be his friend…?

"Well…here we go…" Jak cheers as he appears on my right, I glare down at him, as he strolls towards the set happily. It is no sooner that we have found out that we are shooting a scene from around the start of Jak 3 that me, Damas and those little ankle biters Jak and Daxter, are ushered onto the set of my garage, around my prized vehicles. I feel like the only intelligent one, as Jak, Daxter and Damas can't seem to stop grinning like idiots. What they're grinnin at, I DON'T KNOW! But it better not be me…coz if it is, I'm gonna skin and butter the rat, and use the over two for footwear to go water skiing!

"And…ACTION!" I hear the queue for me to start my lines, as Jak advances towards me, if it weren't in the script, then that would be a **_bad_** idea.

"Damas has a job for us, but I'm no baby sitter, so stay outta my way!" I growl, trying hard to spray a wave of spit over the two 'loveable' heroes. The rat leans into me slightly, making me have an urge to ring his neck and throw him out the window.

"Jak's not afraid of you…are you Jak…?" rat boy looks down at ankle biter Jak, a look of poorly drawn concern on his ratish little face.

"If you knew what was happening out here, you'd be afraid…" I slightly chuckle at these words, knowing well that if these two short stuffs ever entered **_my_** trailer, they probably wouldn't come out alive…the thought brings a tinge of happiness to my mind, but that feeling is soon shook away, when _he_ comes…

"What's going on here?" Damas comes into the scene of the crime, with his utter radiance of stupidity floating around the room. I snigger at the vision of his head imploding in on itself as I continue on with my lines.

"Nothing you're lordship. Just offering Jak and the little one here some healthy advice." I state as I pet Daxter under his chin. I can't seem to find out what's worse…calling Damas lordship…or having to pet the talking sandwich ingredient on legs…

Damas comes closer and puts his hand on Jak's shoulder, turning him around slightly as he whispers something to him. But this was when the annoyance of the day, _really_ began…

"You have a reputation for being a rash…" I hear Damas say. He's changed the script around again, to suit him…and it'll only get worse from here…

"CUT!"

Finally, we have once again reached the destined line; Damas better not screw it up this time…

"You have a reputation for having a rash…"

"CUT!"

Does he think this is funny or something…? To toy with my precious Kleiver time? Stupid moron…

"You have a reputation for being an ass…" the director does not stop and rewind the show this time…I guess they figured that this is the closest Damas is ever gonna get to actually saying a slightly right line…

Damas continues on with his line, as I scowl in the background, growing rather sick of this whole scene, let alone the people in it…the director doesn't seem to be too enthusiastic anymore…probably let us get away with saying anything right now…

"Didn't your father ever tell you to pick your vegetables wisely…?" I snort in my head at Damas' stupidity, the other two ankle biters don't seemed bothered with the foolish new lines of Damas.

"I didn't know my father…" Jak sighs as he turns away, a sad look on his face, HA, serves him right for ruining **_my_** time…

"My point is sometimes you face your enemy head on and sometimes…you wait until his pizza is eaten. Grandma's undies is a warriors greatest weapon…do you understand?" no one seems to know what the hell Damas is going on about, the director still doesn't seem bothered, and he's now slumping in his director's chair, a bored look on his face.

"Jak, I want you, and Kleivery Duff to go into the dessert shop, and by me some mud cake, and a few dozen caramel based cupcakes…I must prepare for whatever lies under my own bed…I'll eat all the resources we can gather…" Damas finishes up his lines and I scowl harder at the name he has called me…if I'm not mistaken, he just fused my name with Hillary Duff's…

"No problem…I'm good with caramel…" Jak smiles like hero as he goes along with Damas' lines. I roll my eyes at the lot of em. If I were in charge of this game, it would be called Kleiver and Kleiver: The Precursor Kleiver, or Kleiver 2: Renegade and then there would be Kleiver 3, and Kleiver X: Combat Kleiver…oh how sweet it would be…and then there would be the newest game being created…Kleiver, on PSP…I'll replace that _rat_ good…

"See you out there, "bum"…HAHAHAHAH!"

"CUT! Kleiver, for hell's sake, read the right lines like the rest of the cast…"

Stupid director…

After the scene is re-perfected as best as it can be, I storm out the studio and towards the pub, only to be stopped by Sig…who also seems to think he's my friend.

"Hey man, how's it hangin…?" Sig asks as he raises his arm in the air, in a cheery sort of manner, I spit at his cheery attitude at the worst of times…

"I'll have you know, that my gut doesn't want to have conversation with you…so don't ask him how he's hangin!" I roar as I jerk a fist towards Sig. Sig stops, dead in his tracks, and puts his own hands up for a defense.

"Yeah man…leave the Kleiver eater alone…" oh great…another one…and this time it's worse…this time…it's Praxis…and I think he's drunk, due to the fact that he stinks of some kind of rum.

"Yeah, I guess you're right man…" Sig chuckles as he puts an arm around Praxis' swaying shoulders, "So, you guys up for some pansy hunting?"

"Right on bro…" Praxis booms as he does some kind of surfer bum hand movement.

"ALRIGHT!" the two of them roar as they run off into the distance, I growl and mutter under my breath as I continue along towards the pub.

The wooden door soon comes into my wide view, and as I reach to the door, thoughts of happiness filter my head…well…that's before some scrawny, shame to manliness stage hand appears in my view, quivering slightly in fear from my overpowering sexiness…

"Um…I'm sorry to interrupt your evening Mr. Kleiver sir…but uh…I'm afraid we have to redo that scene from before…because well…Praxis and Sig just came running in before…they snatched the tape calling it a pansy…and well…now we're lacking in the scene they took…and well…uh…" I growl at the stagehand's words and he seems to quiver even more with fear.

"I ain't doing another scene in that place, until I have my refueling!" I roar as I shove the stagehand away, forcing my way into the pub, and slamming the door behind me.

I laugh to myself as the image of that scrawny man falling into a puddle of mud endlessly replays in my skull.

My happiness however fades, when I hear _HIS_ voice…

"You can't tell me it's my turn to pay for the drinks…I AM THE QUEEN OF HEARTS!"

Oh Lord please no…if I had gotten here earlier, I could've drank my fill, and high skated outta here the minute that drunken fool even realized where he was…but no…people just had to get in MY way, during MY Kleiver time! Stupid ankle biting ankle biters…

There is a roar of laughter from the far side of the room, and I struggle to avert my gaze from the laughing idiot Damas, as his drunken features twist into a drunken smile…stupid fool…I'll show him Queen of Hearts…Queen of Hearts when my boot high tales into his fat arse…

I growl to myself moving towards the counter, where I soon order a large mug of beer, taking the drink into my beefy hand, I maneuver towards a vacant table, as far away from Damas and his idiot friends as I can possibly get.

And yet, my back faces the fools, but I still hear 'em…laughing their heads off, and disrupting the peace of the pub…

I once again growl, lifting the half empty mug to my mouth, sculling half of what's left before I'm rudely interrupted, by the 'Queen' himself…

"Hey there Cleaner! How's ya been goings…?" Damas roars in my ear hole, as he wraps a drunken arm around my shoulders. I can feel him swaying next to me, and have to fight the urge of pushing him to the floor, with the fear of getting chucked out the pub. So instead I sit and try to endure the 'Queen's' idiocy.

"Ya know man…if ya wanted to…you could come join me and my groupies over in the far west…HI GUYS!" Damas again roars in my ear, waving his over arm at the other side of the pub, the other idiots wave back, but I couldn't careless, as I am splashed with a swig of beer, which has flown out of Damas' mug, which is high in the air along with his gruesome left hand.

I just continue to stay somewhat as calm as I can be, and ignore Damas as he laughs at nothing in an annoyingly loud boom of a voice.

"So…do ya wanna come sit with us…? You can be the King of Games…like that Yugimo guy…ya know the one and he's got a starfish stuck on his head coz he went to the beach during one of those days when all the creatures get washed ashore to do their grocery shopping!" Damas tightens his arm around my shoulders and he sways even more on the spot, I meanwhile hunch further over my table and try to ignore the stupid fool.

"Oh…well…I'm sorry your majesty…but I don't speak your language…" I mutter in the calmest tone I can create without sounding friendly, hoping that this idiot will just piss off and leave me be for the rest of the pub visit.

"Oh…OKAY! Hey guys! Cleanery Duff, says he can't speak our luggage! Seeyaz laters Mr. Duff! I LOVE YOU!" Damas roars as he retreats back to his table, a tear running down his ugly cheek as he stumbles backwards towards his friends.

Thank the Lord he's gone…now to get back to drinking…

About 15 minutes later, it's also 16 drinks later…stage hands keep coming toward me…but I beat them away like the flies they is…heh heh…hehhehehehehe…

But before I know it…I'm back on stage…reading my lines…and oh god…why is the room dancing harder than that pimple cream advert Jak made…?

Woot…better stop thinking…it's time for my lines…

SAMOS 

I was happily in my bed…TRYING to sleep through the racket going on in the pub next to my trailer, when some stage scum drags me into the studio to re-shoot a scene which Praxis and Sig apparently nicked off with earlier this evening…why ME!

And so now I stand here, an watch the destruction of 3 drunk people, and Daxter, as they try to read through their lines…and oh the horror that it is…and what's worse…the director won't stop them and make them read the right lines…oh the horror…

"Dumbass has a mop for us, but I'm no floor synthesizer, so you can get stuffed like my Christmas ham…"

Kleiver really is not a pretty sight when he's drunk…I begin to wish I'd never bothered to even come early to the study for my shooting…I don't go well watching a thing which goes nowhere…and the fact that's it's 2:30 at night makes it even worse…

"Jak's not afraid of you…are you Jak…?" Daxter, the only sober one on the current shooting looks at Jak with a mild look of concern on his ratish features. Jak sways on the spot, his eyes unfocused and he seems to be drooling out what appears to be beer…how disgusting…I grimace at the mere sight of it…

"If you knew what was happening in Damas' bar fridge, you'd be afraid…"

"What's going on with my BEER?" Damas now appears on the scene, he's holding a beer bottle in his hand, and is eyeing it suspiciously, knowing the luck of beverages in this studio, I'd say a bug has landed and drowned in it…

"Nothing your corn chip. Just offering Jak and Jill here some health care products." Kleiver states as he slams his palm fairly hard into Daxter's head. Daxter glares as he cringes in what would appear to be pain.

Damas comes closer and puts his hand on Jak's shoulder, turning him around slightly as he whispers something to him. I however have grown even more uninterested with this whole outcome…

"You have a reputation for drinking my cash…"

"(Sniff) I'M SORRY MAN!" Jak sobs as he wraps an arm around Damas, forcing his crying face into the larger man's shoulder, as he sways on the spot, Daxter get's knocked off Jak's shoulder and has fallen to the ground, as Damas too, turns emotional for no apparent reason.

"It's okay Jak…but didn't your mother ever give your own allowance…?" I roll my eyes at these words, as they are just too pathetic compared to the script…

"I didn't know I had a mother…(sniff)…thank you man! This has opened so many job opportunities for me!" Jak cries harder now, but I believe it's from joy that he will no sooner have forgotten by the time he awakes at whatever time tomorrow morning or afternoon…

"Well…my point is that sometimes you crush you beer can head on …and sometimes you wait until you've actually opened and drunk the whole beverage…" I roll my eyes once again at the stupidity of this whole thing, as Damas crushes a full and unopened beer can into his thick forehead, the can opens from all the pressure, and beer flies all over the idiot who is so called a king.

"My Underwear has melted onto my washing line…and I need you to scrape them off with your egg flip…do you understand…?" Jak nods at Damas' words.

"Jak, I want you and Kleivery Duff to sing a concert together in my dessert bowl…make sure you run before I eat you…I swallow all the seesaws I find along my travels…"

"No problem…I'm good at not doing anything but nothing…" Jak smiles as he sways on the spot even more, before he soon falls to the floor, a crazed and distraught expression on his drunk face.

"See you out there chum dog food…" Kleiver states as he too falls to the floor, the same expression on his face as what Jak had. And so it is decided that there is only Damas sanding, out of the four actors who were on stage.

"Yeah! I'm the last one--…ooh…" Damas soon falls to the floor as well and I roll my eyes further as the whole studio falls silent…it's going to be a long night…

* * *

**Bijoux: So how was that...?  
Sharok: It was the worst thing I've ever read...  
Bijoux: OH YEAH! Well YOU'RE the worst think I'VE ever read!  
Corad: (comes at Bijoux due to the insult thrown at her OC or 'daughter' even though Sharok's a dude...)...  
Bijoux:...err...I have to go...but um...I hope you review and I'll try and get another chapter up as soon as possible...**


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